Stop Expecting Perfect Behaviour - Start Understanding Your Dog

As the days get darker and colder, we're often nudged inward - to reflect, reconnect, and reset. Last month, we celebrated World Kindness Day, and it got me thinking about how kindness shows up in our relationship with our dogs. Because kindness in dog training isn’t just about treats, gentle voices, or “being nice.” Kindness is about understanding. It’s about seeing behaviour not as something to control, but something to decode.

“I just want my dog to behave better.”

It’s a phrase I hear often, and it always comes from a good place. We want calm walks, polite greetings, peaceful evenings. But here’s the truth:

 Expecting our dogs to simply “behave better” doesn’t work. Helping our dogs feel differently in difficult situations does.

Dogs don’t choose behaviours at random. Every single action - barking, jumping, pulling, growling - has an emotion underneath it.

• A bark at the door isn’t “naughty.”It might be fear, startle, or uncertainty.

• A dog who pulls on the lead isn’t “disobedient.”They might be excited, overstimulated, or anxious about the world around them.

• A dog who growls isn’t “being dominant.”They’re communicating discomfort or needing space.

When we shift our thinking from “How do I stop this behaviour?” to “Why is my dog feeling this way?” everything changes.

Behaviour is a symptom. Emotion is the cause.

Let’s take the classic example:

A dog barking when someone knocks on the door.

You can try to train “quiet. You can scold. You can insist your dog just “stop.”

But if the underlying emotion is fear, you’re only treating the surface - and the fear remains.

Instead, imagine working on changing the emotion itself:

• helping your dog feel safe when they hear the knock

• teaching them that the sound doesn’t predict scary things

• building their confidence and sense of security

When your dog no longer feels worried about the sound, the barking naturally fades.

Not because you forced silence, but because you supported safety. That is kindness. That is effective training.

Kindness isn’t soft - it’s smart.

Kindness in training looks like:

•  pausing to ask why a behaviour is happening

• being curious instead of frustrated

• empathising with fear or overwhelm

• communicating clearly

• building trust instead of relying on force

And whether we’re working on training foundations, mantrailing, or scentwork, the same principle holds:

A dog who feels safe, learns better.

A dog who feels understood, behaves “better”.

A dog who trusts you, grows with you.

Be your dog’s teammate.

Not their boss. Not their trainer with a checklist. Their teammate.

Choose connection over correction. Choose understanding over expectation. Choose kindness - not just on World Kindness Day, but every single day you share your life with your dog.

Be kind. Be patient. Be curious. And most of all… be your dog’s safe place.